Coming back. . .

I can't believe that I decided to begin blogging a year and a half ago and then have let it go so long. And the title of my last post was procrastination! I am going to begin writing again, if only to keep myself accountable to accomplishing things.

Procrastination

The following is a blog from my MySpace page that I wrote about six months ago. I seem to still struggle with this as much today as then, and it is relevent to the theme of this blog, so here you go:

My dirty secret is than I'm a rabid, type A perfectionist masquerading as a relaxed, carefree person. This worked great when I was an overworked professional, managing 50 or 60 deadline-driven projects at a time. Just ignoring all of the pressure, and the fact that I could not possibly complete everything perfectly, was the only way I could survive.

Not so much, now that my main "jobs" are caring for an infant, a husband, and a home, while trying to finish my theology studies. Now I am staring at all of the creative projects that I have started and never finished over the past 6 years, when I had more money than time. I'm looking at the cluttered, dirty house that I had been paying someone else to clean. I have this vision of everything perfect, but I have no idea how to get there. Each day I wake up with an ambitious list, but I know that if I don't do it, it will all still be there tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. Pretty soon 2 months go by, and I wonder what I did with all of that time?

The truth is, it is the ultimate in narcissism to deny yourself the accomplishment of anything if it cannot be grand, important, and perfect. We creative people are inspired by ideas and visions, but the drudgery of making our visions come to fruition frusterates us. However, we are all here to accomplish as much as we can to God's glory. Right now, He has put me in a place where the things I am doing may only bless 3 or 4 people. A lot of times they might not get noticed at all. Rather than completing a beautiful building that millions of people will see each week, I might have to clean off the dining room table so that my family can share a wholesome meal. But the Lord promises that anything done with a cheerful attitude will bring Him just as much glory, even if it doesn't bring as much to me.

I don't want to be on my deathbed, wondering why I wasted so much time. So today, I must dig in and tackle something. Maybe it won't be finished or perfect, but it will be a small step to where I need to go. After all, the grandest building can be built of just a bunch of single bricks, sitting on top of one another.

Happy Birthday Ethan and Where Have all the Good Toys Gone?

Today is my son Ethan's first birthday. I can hardly believe that he has already been in our lives for a whole year. The first couple of months (ok, all twelve months) older mothers would always come up to me and say, "Enjoy this time. It all goes by so quickly!" Well this can get annoying when it seems like all you accomplish in a day is changing seven diapers and singing the Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes song twelve times. But looking back it is so true. I'm not sure what all I definitely accomplished in the last year, but somehow my son is healthy and happy!

Several people gave Ethan money or gift certificates to buy toys for his birthday. I can probably count on one hand the number of toys I have actually purchased for my son to date, as he received quite a few things as gifts when he was born. However, he is now outgrowing a lot of the babyish toys and probably needs a few new things to stimulate him. In keeping with my philosophy of good stewardship and minimal clutter, I have in mind to buy him a few good quality items that he will get a lot of use out of. If I could only duplicate the success of the Leapfrog Learn N' Groove Table, by far the most loved toy of the past year, I would be so happy.

Neither my husband or I had stepped foot in a toy store in years, probably decades, so we headed off to Toys R' Us last night, thinking that because it was by far the biggest in our area it must offer the best selection. Well, we both came out totally shocked and dismayed. I am amazed at how many aisles and aisles of total trash can be in one store. Literally every single toy that we saw was made out of junk plastic with junk paint and stickers on them. In short, they looked like they would last about 2 days in the hands of my active, and sometimes destructive, baby.

I can't help but compare the toys that I saw last night to those that I had when I was a kid. While a lot of things were made of plastic, few were made in China. The plastic was a higher quality type, with the colors in the actual plastic rather than applied to the outside in the form of cheap (lead?) paint and stickers. I also had a lot more things made of metal or wood. I had a metal Tonka truck, probably already bought used at a garage sale, that lasted through my whole childhood and my brother's with almost daily play. Similar trucks now are made out of cheap plastic that would likely break within a month. The other interesting this is that prices have not risen much, if at all. You know that there is something wrong if the price of a loaf of bread has doubled in little more than a decade, but the price of a Barbie doll seems to be about the same as it was in 1985.

I know that we are a throw-away, consumerist society, but I refuse to teach those values to my child. Where, oh where, can I get something of high quality? Does anyone in the United States even make toys anymore? For now, I have ordered Ethan one toy, a push and ride, online. The rest of Ethan's money will get tucked away until we find something actually worth owning. From what I saw, that certainly won't be at Toys R' Us anytime soon.

Proverbs 31 and Four Goals I Have for Homemaking

Proverbs 31 is so often mentioned as a standard for women that it has become almost trite. When discussing the roles of wife and mother, I have so often heard then say "oh, I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman." However, as I have been studying what the Scriptures say about homemaking, this description of the ideal wife cannot be avoided. As I read this again today, I am struck by how relevant something written almost three millennia ago can be. Of course, the things that make an excellent wife and home have never changed.

While there are many character qualities here that I can learn from, there are four things relating to homemaking that I immediately want to work on.

1. Take joy in the seemingly mundane - I want to not just work because I must, but work with delight and joy in the Lord (Proverbs 31:13)

2. Establish routines - I want to create enough organization for my household that the things that need to be done always get done in a timely and orderly fashion (Proverbs 31:15, 27)

3. Provide excellent food and meals - I want to obtain the highest quality food available and prepare consistently good and healthy meals for everyone in the family (Proverbs 31: 14, 15)

4. Practice good stewardship - I want to have things of good quality and in good repair (Proverbs 31: 18, 21, 22) For my household this means that we must get rid of all of the things that we do not need (hopefully giving them to the poor), throw away all of the things that are broken or cannot be used, and make good decisions about purchasing high quality things in the future.

Making my home a sanctuary

This summer my church small group is reading John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life. This book has challenged me spiritually, as it is so easy to become lazy or indifferent in our lives rather than to seek to bring God more glory in everything that we do. It is so easy to spend our time on temporal amusements instead of creating something that brings lasting joy.

One of the discussion questions asked us to think of three goals that we would like to accomplish with our lives. After some careful thought, one of the goals that I listed was to create a home that would be a sanctuary. The first thing that many people think of when they hear the word "sanctuary" is a place of refuge and peace. Certainly, I want my family to think of their home as a place of peace and refuge from all of the pressures of the world. I want our home to be a place that my husband can't wait to come home to and that my children always speak fondly of when they are grown.

The original meaning of the word "sanctuary," though, gets closer to what I most truly desire. The English word was derived from the Latin sanctus, or "holy". It is often used in reference to a place of formal worship. I believe that this is a misdirected distinction, for after Christ there are no holy places where we are commanded to worship. Life is worship, and those of us who are redeemed by the blood of Christ strive to do everything to the glory of God. Thus, what place is holier than our homes, the center of our family lives and ministries? I pray that every day as I go about living, working, and worshipping in my home I will do all of those activities in the best, most God-glorifying way.

The reality today? I do not feel at peace or refuge the majority of the time in my home. I do not take seriously enough my calling as a wife, mother, and homemaker, and I often choose to pursue leisure over work. However, my current failings are no excuse to not pick up where I am and do something. Perfection does not exist this side of eternity, but through the Lord I can make progress. I hope to write this blog as a diary of my progress towards this goal that I have for my life. Perhaps it can be encouraging or inspiring to some people, and hopefully others will also encourage me along the way. Whatever we do, to God alone be all glory!