Procrastination

The following is a blog from my MySpace page that I wrote about six months ago. I seem to still struggle with this as much today as then, and it is relevent to the theme of this blog, so here you go:

My dirty secret is than I'm a rabid, type A perfectionist masquerading as a relaxed, carefree person. This worked great when I was an overworked professional, managing 50 or 60 deadline-driven projects at a time. Just ignoring all of the pressure, and the fact that I could not possibly complete everything perfectly, was the only way I could survive.

Not so much, now that my main "jobs" are caring for an infant, a husband, and a home, while trying to finish my theology studies. Now I am staring at all of the creative projects that I have started and never finished over the past 6 years, when I had more money than time. I'm looking at the cluttered, dirty house that I had been paying someone else to clean. I have this vision of everything perfect, but I have no idea how to get there. Each day I wake up with an ambitious list, but I know that if I don't do it, it will all still be there tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. Pretty soon 2 months go by, and I wonder what I did with all of that time?

The truth is, it is the ultimate in narcissism to deny yourself the accomplishment of anything if it cannot be grand, important, and perfect. We creative people are inspired by ideas and visions, but the drudgery of making our visions come to fruition frusterates us. However, we are all here to accomplish as much as we can to God's glory. Right now, He has put me in a place where the things I am doing may only bless 3 or 4 people. A lot of times they might not get noticed at all. Rather than completing a beautiful building that millions of people will see each week, I might have to clean off the dining room table so that my family can share a wholesome meal. But the Lord promises that anything done with a cheerful attitude will bring Him just as much glory, even if it doesn't bring as much to me.

I don't want to be on my deathbed, wondering why I wasted so much time. So today, I must dig in and tackle something. Maybe it won't be finished or perfect, but it will be a small step to where I need to go. After all, the grandest building can be built of just a bunch of single bricks, sitting on top of one another.